:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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