Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I have fence marks all over my body
Randomize
