I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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