I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
