You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize