How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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