I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
