The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
