Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
