end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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