Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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