I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
