420 ftw
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
