Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
