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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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