But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
