I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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