this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
