is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
there is glitter all over my balls
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