oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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