im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
