last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
