chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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