matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
