We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
