He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
