I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
