you would pick up someone in the library
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
