so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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