ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
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