Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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