apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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