You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
