im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
