are you still at the devil's house?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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