Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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