So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
