So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
