i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
