Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
