You're my little dorito
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
