she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
