Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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