dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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