Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
ugly people sure do ruin things
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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