I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
