what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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