the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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