I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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