i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
