do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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