I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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