Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
