i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
