By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you will always have a special place in my vag
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
