Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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