Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
