Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
