i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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