My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize