He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
