I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
