No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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