ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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