I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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