You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
