kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
