Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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