she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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