We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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