I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
