Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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