Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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