Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
