Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
