remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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