i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
