But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I wish i was in the wii world.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
