Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
