Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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