Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
