Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
